today is really sucky... things are really goin bad.. to worse... and i'm trying to save something that doesnt seem to move.. it just stalls there like its nobody's business... i'm trying ot do something but it doesnt work... i really feel so useless.. went to school today.. hoping that it would be a better day.. but it turned out really wrong... went for classes... den wanted to ask some qns... and they so tao... not only that.. they so kao bei... i'm so fed-up with all the shit thats goin on around me.. den went for rehearsal... and the teacher ask us to repeat.. repeat... do so many times... so crappy... sometimes teachers to me.. think that they are the ones who just have troubles... but have they ever thought about the student that sometimes students have problems simillar to theirs... sometimes they just dun and they feel that they can be moody in class... School has become something that i dun wish to go to anymore... everytime i go there... i get shit... i get shit from ppl... backstabbers... teachers who are angry... teachers who dun understand their pupils... Many ppl think e-learning is fun... although u dun have to go to school... but the teachers give so much work and when u cant do it... u cant read the damn powerpoint or worksheet... u have to find ur own means to get it done... and sometimes when its graded and when u have a test on that... and when u cant read it.. its so unfair... e-learning is super stupid...

My life really sucks... here i am trying to make something better... doing all i can... for it to improve... but what are the effects? nthing comes out... nthing good... and what do i do it for? cuz i dun wanna lose it... and it just stalls there like no one cares.. like no one ever gives a damn about it... and school? its just another place where i get stress and shit from everyone... i'm using alot of my energy trying to save it... but it doesnt give any results... Why should i ever care about it since it doesnt gimme anything... it doesnt do anything.. just to waste my energy... i've tried for so long.. and after weeks... it just gets worse.... school just gets worse... everything gets worse... for ppl some things just get better and better.. but mine? worse and worse... i hate it... life is full of shit... i try and help but i get bad things coming my way... i try to save something but nothin helps... i try and help... what does it do? NOTHIN! nothing happen... no damn thing is happenning... y cant things just go where i want it to??? why do i always struggle with so many issues... and others dun... at least not as much... y do i get it... y must i be the one... cant u ppl see i cant take it... i cant take the things u ppl throw at me... i cant take the shit that is happenning around me!!!!! Y does everything go from bad to worse... its always me.. and its always happenning... there is rarely a good thing that happens to me.. but its always the bad... the things that bring me down the most.. whenever i try to look on the bright side.. bad things just keep on happenning... i cant take it.. i cant take it!!! Cant u ppl be more understanding... y cant the teachers just stop and think about what students are goin through now!!! Y do adults always think that students dun have stress and worries... cant u see? cant u see!!! i'm at the brink of really breakin down... i feel so pressured... mentally and spiritually exhausted and yet i'm still goin on... cuz i have to... i'm forced to... and yet, i'm still alive... when there is really nothin here for me... everywhere i go... every turn i make... things just go bad... just feel like goin away... goin away to a place where i can just leave all my troubles and pain behind... but i cant.. i've been trying to... and nothing seems to work... nothing seems to work... i cant take it anymore... i just cant...



pushing on..